DQN Short Novel (Part 3)
This section sees the already difficult to understand storyline grow even more obfuscated, including the famous schizophrenic cat-fucking passage. Critics have described it as a unique insight into the mind of the author during his declining mental health brought on by a glue sniffing addiction.
It contains 155.5 posts, 1563 words and 9457 characters.
Part 2: Vultures on the boundary of the river wheel Battle Tendency Electric Boogaloo Stardust Crusaders: EXTREME EDITION:ちんこ+
It was a quiet day and the children were playing serendipitously on the riverbank just outside the quaint village of Detroit. Suddenly, a huge river wheel came tumbling down from the mountains crushing all in its path. Behind it, Detroit was unfortunately not crushed. However, Dearborn was crushed, and the factories that belonged to Ford cried out in anguish, "How could this occur? We worked and toiled, but all it was for naught, Our dreams and cars are crushed by vicious Fate. The river wheel turns without remorse, Like time and death it has no love nor hate, Its monstrous spokes whirl as a heartless beast, Blindly striking down both weak and strong, And as it spins, we people sing this song: Fate, savage and empty, you are a turning wheel, your position is uncertain, your favour is idle and always likely to disappear; covered in shadows and veiled you bear upon me too; now my back is naked through the sport of your wickedness."
So sang the survivors of Dearborn as the river wheel tumbled through and onto its next destination: Dr. Robotnik's lab, which was demolished in a matter of seconds. Dr Robotnik, however, managed to survive for several more minutes due to a previously unknown mysterious property of excessive body fat. Meanwhile, back in Detroit, the playground was pregnant with sexual tension. Suddenly, a wild Snorlax appears. It accidentally inhales 5 children and then made suggestive comments and sexually harassed the shocked bystanders. The moral of this tale is, of course, that as long as long as you know which direction is North, you can easily fart a happy tune with your buttocks clenched in a furious state of tetany. Anyway, as we discussed in >>1, twenty three hyphens isn't a proper acceptable discussion of nouns but that's ok because grammar is bullshit anyway as was previously said by run-on-man.
In other news, 2012 is rapidly approaching with its rather disappointing lack of penis enhancers that fail to deliver the true nature of the beast. Spam mail no longer exists, thanks to the combined efforts of 420JEWKILLER666, 88HITLER_BOI, and 69JEWNIGGERS. Sadly, spam mail has been replaced with spam in-brain projection through the combined efforts of 420JEWKILLER666, 88HITLER_BOI, and 69JEWNIGGERS. Sadly, said spam in-brain projection runs on buggy software with a broken recursive function, due to the combined efforts of 420JEWKILLER666, 88HITLER_BOI, and 69JEWNIGGERS. Sadly, their data center was highly secured so that nobody could get in and end the process that was creating a time-loop due to its shoddy programming. "If only we'd read our SICP!" lamented 88HITLER_BOI.
Meanwhile, Sonic the Hedgehog Died, taking Sega with it to never plague video games with it's games again. Also, FISTING which occurred on that fateful day took the form of BROFISTING. "Cool story, bro," said Knuckles the Echidna. Then he went off to fist his buddies.
30,000 years ago, a great battle was taking place between Siouxsie & The Banshees and the buxom man-ladies of the Gro'tai Kingdom over FISTING vs. BROFISTING which led to the establishment of The Semi Democratic People's Republic of New Manchuria (which you may remember from the beginning of the novel). "Oh, yes I do remember it!" - said an innocent bystander. He had no idea that in the time it took him to utter those words, orcs had already come up with a plan to
knock knock
whos there
buttcrack
buttcrack who
buttcrack jeffery"
said the schizophrenic, I fucked a cat with the Ultra Deluxe Dildotronic 20X6, which looks like a simple polished stick with a small exception of a curiously placed popcorn machine, perfect in times Lagiacrus dragon dildo complete with electric shock action placed at the third Lagrange point and I got her pregnant somehow.
Ever since I read the SICP, no invocation of spells could ready me for SURPRIZE BUTTSECKS which I enjoyed because MY ANUS is nano-augmented with dingleberries. I have to refresh my scrotum with dingleberries or GAY MAGIC, whichever is available.
A triumphant cry of "300 GET!" echoed across Sparta, attracting the attention of Phil Collins, the renowned artist, who was out on his morning walk. "Look over there, Peter!" Collins pointed towards the peaks of the mountains. Tumbling down the sides of the Alps surrounding the little Swiss town Collins calls home were lots of little Detroit. The smell of strawberries permeated the air, completely negating the general aura of Nk'uko byatangajwe na Perezida w'uyu muryango. Meanwhile, ＴＨＥ ＦＵＣＫ ＯＮ the moon, there were two guys "やらないか" suggested Takakazu Abe, to which Masaki Michishita replied "only if you suck on my left testicle". As it turns out, this was a password which activated the moon for it's true purpose: destroying Clocktown. The citizens of Clocktown were outraged at the prospect of no longer being able to call themselves citizens of Clocktown because they all died. The two moon swelling homosexuals found themselves feeling somewhat confused, as the last post would make a lot more sense if I posted "dwelling" rather than "swelling". Anyway, as I was saying, the two moon dwelling homosexuals found themselves feeling somewhat lonely, as they weren't aware of each others' presences on the moon, so they spent their time with creative pursuits, one in art and the other in music.
ttp://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltal188J5c1qbs6e9o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1319078913&Signature=V5S2IM2eLW3XJ5UmLrNRDZUOcuc%3D
Somebody might ask, "But where exactly were dokyuns?"They were here: ttp://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/Pale_Blue_Dot.png There were billions and billions of dokyuns, all of which were NEET and petite rather than sweet or l33t. However, the dokyuns had failed to take into account the big fat chance of having Gradius III arcade machines rain down from the sky. Suddenly, a ghast/metroid shit comes out and starts shooting fireballs. Phil Collins took a direct hit to the face, causing massive internal bleeding.
The rest of this story may be accessed by platinum members on my website. We now bring you to Gay Gary's Gulag of Gaping Gaynus Penis festival, run by kind volunteers from the quaint town of Cocksuck, Alabama, which strangely has more homosexuals than one might expect of a town whose entire population is female. The festival lasted three days and had to be ended prematurely because of GAY MAGIC.
The cancellation of the festival prompted an outcry from the gayness in yer anus.
And so, while gay disease was protesting on Uranus, our hero took a massive diarrhea dump and then posted about it on the internet. Many people were honoured to look at included pictures and many were not. Meanwhile, in Gensokyo, Reimu and Marisa stared at the screen in disbelief, then closed the browser and turned off the computer, slowly shaking their heads.
THE END
Or... is it?
No - that happened back at >>140 and again at >>222. Now, as I was saying: THE END fell from the sky, bringing the GSL down with it. Then Porky Pig busted out of a drum and said "I'M ON DA POWDAH, I'M REAL COKED UP! YOU GOT PLENTY HENNESSEY SO FILL UP MY CUP!" The powder he referred to was, of course, actually raspberry creamola foam.
HOT STRIPPING COEDS was written in huge neon letters outside the institute of GAY MAGIC AND RAINBOW TOLERANCE, foretelling the coming of a veritable smorgasbord of big dicks of all colors drifting across the blue sky. "Phallus sighted off the starboard side!" shouted captain Gay Sparkle, "Brace for surprize buttsecks," he giggled. Then the entire novel died of AIDS.
THE END
THE BEGINNING of something beautiful - Doctor Fujiwara strolled confidently into the hospital room and spoke in a calm, controlled voice: "I have found the cure to AIDS, Mr DQN Short Novel. We will be starting treatment immediately."
"That's wonderful!" gasped DQN Short Novel, "But what is the treatment?"
Doctor Fujiwara arched an eyebrow and replied "Well, first we must engage in a change of subject so deliciously subtle that somebody who is not really paying attention won't notice. By the way, your horse is on fire." The horse in question was being raped by one of those magma demons that were raping Sakura in that recent Zone flash. Coincidentally, the demon was actually Doctor Fujiwara's estranged brother. Upon seeing him for the first time in decades, everybody else then caught on fire and died.
But then they all came back to life and engaged on proper festivities to commemorate the reunion of Doctor Fujiwara and his brother. Mr DQN Short Novel, however, was a bit pissed off about >>364,371 trying to ruin the novel and therefore didn't participate in the festivities. Instead he started
>>373 ruined the story with this really gay and stupid post, making Doctor Fujiwara turn into a flaming homosexual and having sex with ducks and shit. >>373 sucks! >>373 sucked so hard, in fact, that >>373's hoover felt obsolete and deactivated itself.
Surveying the scene from afar, a young girl sighed dramatically and said to herself "", for she was mute. All her life she had wished for an opportunity like this to arise, but now that it had, she was decidedly unsure of herself. Suddenly, Reimu showed up and said "dayuum gurl, u fine!" "Wanna go back to my place?". The mute girl remained silent, unable to respond. Then, gave a soft nod and went along. Reimu thought to herself: "I hit the fuckin' jackpot!". Thinking of all of the lesbian sex she was about to have.
End of Chapter 2
